I really must be getting old.
They say at some point as you age you realize that you really don’t understand the generations younger than you. I always thought it would happen when you are like 50 or 60 or something. When “kids” are drastically younger than you. Not when you are in your mid-thirties and still think of yourself as in your late twenties. Let alone in you mid-thirties trying to understand those in their mid-twenties. Maybe it’s a twenties thing that no one out of their twenties understands what the generation is doing regardless of the age gap?
I am just hoping that’s what it is because I don’t get this whole sleeping with people so soon thing. See, I found out what was up with my best friend.
Turns out he has been talking to a girl online for just over a month and have gone one a few dates in the last two weeks. Seems he had invited her to the New Year’s Eve party as well and thought it might be awkward because I, not knowing about this, had said I would just ride over to his friend’s house with him. (It really was a pity invite!) Instead of being open and telling me he had invited a date, and could I follow him, he’ll give me directions, etc. he just avoided it.
After essentially getting ditched by him as though he had never mentioned it, and the meager three texts I got from him for New Year’s when I had something very unusual happen, I basically asked him what the hell he was doing. He is not the type to ignore text messages like that so something had to be up. And, duh, he’s my best friend so I wanted to know what was going on. The response was that he was watching TV with Girl X… at three o’clock in the afternoon. As in she spent the night.
Yes, I am assuming something happened between them. But let’s get real here. Why else would she spend the night and still be there that late in the day? It’s frustrating because he doesn’t understand why he keeps getting into relationships that don’t work out. But, seriously! What does he expect when he talks to a girl he meets online for two weeks, then goes on four dates with her in the next two weeks and they get involved sexually on the fifth date. Do you really think you know enough of the person to build a foundation for a relationship that will actually work? How about you are blinding yourself with the physical aspects of the relationship and confusing it for the foundation without actually knowing each other?
Is this what dating in your twenties is supposed to be about? Figuring out that you should really know a bit more about a person before becoming involved to that extent and that’s why in your thirties you look back and say what was I thinking? Don’t get me wrong. I am not a prude and don’t think they should wait forever, But really? Two weeks? C’mon, man (Yes, use Boomer’s voice here.. football reference)!
On top of it, she is in her early twenties. I get that it is entirely possible that someone in their early twenties could be more mature than their peers. That is one of the reasons he and I are such good friends – he is much more mature than his age for being nearly 10 years younger than me. But, he wants to settle down and have a committed relationship. That is not what anyone is really about at 21 or 22 nowadays. He’s in his late twenties, stable, good job, nice house, decent car and the cutest dog in the world. Why does he keep expecting to find a lasting relationship with someone still in college, still partying who doesn’t have a professional job and doesn’t understand yet what it is to work for a living and have responsibilities?
Sure, guys usually date women younger than them. Remember he debates me about dating older women as a bias the same as older women’s bias in dating younger men. So, I get that in all likelihood the people he seeks out will be younger than him. But, there is a difference in dating someone who is simply younger than you in age and someone who is younger than you in maturity. If you’re going to get physically involved when they are younger in maturity well then sometimes…
Too soon is just too soon.
